I’m not really into Christmas. That’s right, I said it. I don’t like Christmas.
Despite 12 years of Catholic education, Sunday morning sleep-ins ruined by enforced church attendance, and many a Christmas Eve spent yawning through Midnight Mass, I have emerged as a fairly well-rounded atheist. Of course, I have no objection to other peoples’ choice to subscribe to whichever religion speaks to them, provided I get to click ‘unsubscribe.’ Mind you, these days, the most recognized and celebrated Christmas traditions, like Santa Claus, overpriced gifts, cheesy Hallmark movies, and Mariah-bloody-Carey, have very little to do with religion! So it’s not that aspect that turns me into a Grinch.
For me, it’s just a lot of hassle and stress with a big mess to clean up at the end. But before you start hurling ‘Bah humbug’ in my direction, there are two Christmas traditions I do enjoy: watching Die Hard and my annual attempt to successfully wrap a cat.
Wrapping My Cats
Ever since a rather entertaining video emerged several years ago of a very patient kitty being carefully measured, wrapped in paper, and topped with a ribbon, it has been my Christmas wish to recreate this wonder in my home. You would think that, with five possible candidates, I would have succeeded in my mission by now, but alas, my efforts have only ever resulted in torn wrapping paper and a mildly irritated feline.
The trouble with my mission is that I’m not going to force cooperation from any of my cats, which realistically whittles my list of likely participants from five to two: Clutch or Cyril.
Alex is far too intent on playing with the paper, Zelda too feisty, and Zazzles will either hide until everything is packed away or trollop around on top of it. Either way, she is impossible to wrap. Clutch tends to tolerate most things you can throw at him…as long as you don’t actually throw things, of course, while Cyril is a huge fan of any activity that involves inactivity. This was going to be my year. I felt it. The question was, did they?
Success! Sort of…
Rather surprisingly, Cyril was decidedly scared of sitting on paper, so he was out of the running immediately. Alex looked like a contender for a few minutes, but as predicted, preferred playing with the paper more than being wrapped in it.
Clutch took one for the team and was the most cooperative of the bunch. Initially, he made things a little challenging by lying on his side, then all of a sudden, he rolled back so he was lying on all fours, almost as though he understood the assignment. He was not, however, quite as tolerant as the cat from the video who inspired my dream; that one even allowed his tail to be wrapped separately!
Although my wrapping job was not particularly pretty, I did manage to get most of Clutch wrapped up for Christmas, including a festive bow on his head!
That’s A Wrap
Did I succeed? Sort of. Did I have fun? Not really! I’ve finally got the cat-wrapping challenge out of my system, but it wasn’t as fun or satisfying as I had hoped. But the cats thoroughly enjoyed playing with the wrapping paper at the end!
Whether you’re celebrating Christmas, Kwanza, Hanukkah, or just plain old celebrating, be sure to take care of each other, take care of yourself, and most importantly, take care of the cat!
And yes, Die Hard IS a Christmas movie!
- Read her previous article: The Terminal Purr: When Purring Isn’t A Sign of Happiness