I often find myself feeling envious of my cats. No responsibilities, all meals provided, nothing to do but laze the day away. So this week, I decided to take my envy and turn it into action, spending the day in Cyril’s shoes (or paws). It turns out that it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
02:00: I’m feeling a bit lonely, so I’m going to find my human and spend 15 minutes getting comfortable on their back.
02:30: Bored now. I’m going back to my room to sleep there instead.
04:00: Feeling a bit peckish; I might run in and out of the human’s bedroom a few times, see if that generates any food.
04:30: Food mission was not a success. Time to get the others involved.
04:45: Commence ‘Operation Wake The Humans’. The ginger one and I take turns chasing each other, and the black one. Sometimes the torti one joins in as well.
04:55: Humans have stirred and grumbled, but no move to get out of bed.
05:00: Tiny dog jumps on the floor. Human is up and follows it downstairs. Irritating that tiny dog is able to achieve what I had not, but at least food should arrive shortly. Very excited.
05:15: Food arrives and I am very excited to see that it is the same thing as yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that, and the day before that…… Yum!
05:25: Time for a nap.
07:30: Humans are more active now. Maybe today will be the day they forget that we have already been fed? No? Well, there’s always tomorrow. Time for another nap.
09:45: One of the humans is sitting at the desk and their hands are moving a lot. Perhaps they are cold. I shall help by sitting on them.
09:50: Human doesn’t seem to realize that I’m trying to help. I will persevere.
10:00: Human has rejected my assistance. Instead, I deposit a large poop in the box beside the desk. The human seems to be very pleased, making all sorts of sounds as they gather it up for their collection. I wonder what they do with them all.
12:45: Feeling bored and a bit hungry. Check bowl – no food. Another disappointment. I’ll have a drink and lick my butt, and check back later.
13:00: Still no food. Time to fall dramatically onto my back in the middle of the room and lie there for 30 minutes.
13:30: One of the tiny dogs sniffs my tail, so I swish and twitch it enticingly. He makes an annoying yappy sound, so I roll over and tap his head. He runs away crying. What a wuss.
13:40: Tiny dog returns with tiny friend, and they chase me up the stairs. The cheek of them! When I reach the top I turn around to watch them, and they run away. They are not very brave.
14:00: Bowl check – still no food. I’ll give it another hour, but then it will be time to commence our afternoon demands. In the meantime, I shall nap.
15:30: Engage shadow mode – where human goes, I go. They try to shut me out of the small room with the porcelain chair, but I manage to squeeze through the gap in the door.
17:30: Human is making preparations in the kitchen. Numerous bowls and foods appearing on the counter. I shall inspect them all. Large dog jumps up and licks my face. Disgusting creature.
17:45: Dinner time! I am very excited to see that it is the same thing as last night, and the night before that, and the night before that, and the night before that…… Yum!
18:00: Lazily washing my face and paws, and trying to decide if I shall vomit some of my dinner on the carpet tonight. Not tonight, maybe tomorrow. Instead, I’ll have a nap. A pile of warm towels has just appeared on the bed, so I will make use of that.
19:30: I am woken by the sound of the human scraping around in the litter box, so I wait patiently for them to finish their scavenging before going in for a large pee. Human lets out a sigh, presumably relieved that there will be more waste products for them to harvest.
20:00: Human is watching the noisy picture on the wall, so I sit in front and have a wash. I wait for them to say something about making a cup of tea, and take this as my cue to curl up on their lap for a nap.
21:30: Human hasn’t moved, so I will stay here for a while longer.
22:00: Can’t sleep as human is jiggling their knee, so I stretch and disappear upstairs. The human follows but goes into the room with the porcelain chair.
23:00: Time for a last-minute wrestling match with the ginger one before turning in for the night. I check the bowl in case any food has appeared, but sadly, it is empty. Oh well, I shall check again in a few hours…
I’ve realized that, although Cyril’s life looks pretty chilled and free from stress, it’s also pretty dull. I’m also not sure that I could eat the same food every day with the level of enthusiasm displayed by my cats; not having autonomy over my meals would be a deal breaker for me! I could probably get used to all the naps though!
- Read her previous article: How to Stop Your Cat Peeing in the House (Without Moving Across the Country)